It is amongst singles who desire to live a swinger lifestyle, that shy individuals are more likely to be found and ironically, shyness is likely to prove more of an obstacle for singles than it is for couples. On the other hand, swinging can be extremely therapeutic for shy people so swingers who learn to overcome it are helped to do so by engaging in the uninhibited sexual activities the lifestyle offers.
For shy single females, finding the courage to arrange swinger dates to even meeting up with like-minded singles and couples can be the main obstacle to overcome. Whilst this basic step can also present a serious challenge for many single males, they are perhaps more likely to fall at later hurdles, such as turning up at a sex party or if attending one, allowing shyness to ruin any chance of it being a positive experience for them.
Shy swinger couples are more of a rarity. The simple fact of being a couple immediately reduces the chances of shyness being a problem. As well as giving each other moral support, couples can attend swinger events where they will meet other couples with whom they can honestly share their feelings.
We have however met and also heard of, many couples for whom shyness threatened to, or actually did, end their journey on the swinger lifestyle path. For such couples the most critical situations are more likely to be finding the courage to turn up at a swinger event, running out of one (i.e. leaving soon after arriving without any serious attempt to talk to anyone), or attending one and letting shyness ruin the experience.
People who are shy are often perceived as being unfriendly, cold and stand-offish. Shyness can make people look miserable and not much fun to be around with. Directly opposed to this are people who project a sense of humour or playfulness with features that always seem to be smiling. These people are viewed as being attractive, warm, interesting and fun to be with.
It follows that if someone who feels shy in a social situation such as a swinger date or sex party, can adopt a smiling demeanour, the negative impressions that are projected by shyness will be replaced by the positive ones projected by good humoured self confidence.
Even the shyest people can learn how to project this smiling personification of playfulness but it will require constant practise. The really great thing about putting it into practice is that the very act of smiling generates physiological changes in our body chemistry. These changes give us a happy, uplifting feeling, making us far more likely to feel self confident. Practising the act of smiling will therefore provide a double feedback; the external one of seeing the other person's positive perception of us and the internal boost to our well-being and self confidence.
Despite this there will always be times when other people don't smile back. It is essential that you are not daunted by these instances. Learn to accept that it is their problem and not yours. When it becomes clear that a conversation is not going to create any rapport it is time to move on. This is especially important at a sex party, when to not do so is likely to make you miss the chance of swinging with someone else.
Feeling shy is actually a form of anxiety and like all other forms of anxiety it can be helped by learning how to relax properly. When a person feels relaxed they feel more self confident and are less prone to internalizing everything. There are many excellent resources on the internet from which you can learn and practise relaxation techniques. The art and practice of relaxation can be taken further by learning mindfulness, meditation or even self hypnosis. Ultimately all of these things rely on one essential factor to make them work: Regular and frequent practise.
Our third tip for overcoming shyness is to mentally rehearse your meetings with other swingers, imagining yourself as being relaxed, self-confident and attractive to them. Whilst using the relaxation techniques referred to above, visualize yourself at the sex party or swinger date looking happy, playful and self confident. Imagine yourself going through a flirtatious conversation and enjoying every moment of it. Imagine the encounter concluding with a successful outcome.
This kind of preparation will actually help you to act out things the way you have visualized them when it comes to the real-life situation.
Once again, there are methods available for enhancing such rehearsal further. Self hypnosis is one. Another is Neuro Linguistic Programming (or NLP for short). Amongst other powerful techniques, NLP utilises something call Anchoring which involves attaching a memorable signal (the anchor) to the visualized positive feelings. This anchor can then be triggered during the real life enactment to bring the feelings back to life when most needed.
This page is based on one of the sections of our invaluable swinger lifestyle guide:
Keys to a Successful Swinger Lifestyle.
The full version is available as a FREE eBook to our members.
To order your free copy, complete and submit the request form