Club Aphrodite
Keys to a Successful Swinger Lifestyle

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The swinger lifestyle contract for couples

Before making any decision to attend a swinger party, join a swingers club or to start swinging in any other way, couples need to ensure that both partners are totally in accord about the decision.

Thinking of this process as drawing up a Swinger Lifestyle Contract can be very helpful. It's a bit like a marriage contract. You don't need to go as far as putting it all in writing; just being aware that you are entering into a contract that you'll both remember and abide by is sufficient.

Honest communication is the key

The key to drawing up a couple's swinger lifestyle contract is honest communication. If you are the kind of couple who have yet to learn how to talk to each other with openness and honesty and find it hard to express your true feelings, then swinging is not for you at this stage of your relationship. Delay your entry to the swinger lifestyle until you have learned how to communicate openly. Expressing thoughts and feelings in a totally honest way to each other is much more than communicating the ones that are likely to please. It means taking a risk about expressing the ones that might not as well. For example; to tell your partner honestly how much you love him is one thing but to admit to how turned on you were by someone else and how you fantasized having sex with them, is another.

The pre-swinging, discussion period is the most important time of all for would-be, swinger-couples. Do not rush through it. If it takes weeks or months to be absolutely sure, then let it. Making such an important decision during a hormone-fuelled, horny chat during foreplay, is definitely not the way to draw up a contract that will affect the rest of your lives. Sober planning and careful consideration is required because once the first partner-swap, threesome or foursome has taken place, there can be no going back to how things were before.

If you have already met and spoken with other swinger couples at any length, you may well have heard very different claims to the advice given here. There will be those who tell you how they got into the lifestyle 'quite accidentally' with spur-of-the-moment decisions, stimulated by alcohol and some flirtatious fun with friends etc. These kind of people will always tell you that they have never regretted their decision. They will point out how swinging has strengthened their relationship and advise other couples to 'try it. Sometimes, such claims will be truthful but in these cases, things worked out okay more by luck than judgement. In a lot of cases, though, the claims will be made by unhappy people who do not admit to each other how they really feel about things. When they talk to another couple, it should be hardly surprising that they make everything sound so positive.

Points to consider for your swinger lifestyle contract

Here are some points to consider when drawing up your swinger lifestyle contract.

  • What are the driving forces that draw each of you to swinging. Make a His List and Her List, placing the driving forces in order of their importance. Compare the two lists and discuss your reasons for listing and prioritising each item. Make sure you are both happy and understand each others motivations.
  • Ask yourselves whether you are just looking for some purely self-centred fun or whether you both genuinely want to share new experiences together.
  • Discuss what aspects of swinging you are both okay with and what things do either one or both of you prefer to set limits on. Here are some examples:
    • Same room sex with other couples but full intercourse with own partner only
    • Full partner swapping with other couples but no singles or other forms of group sex
    • Threesomes with females but not with males
    • Private swinging only (i.e. no sex parties.)
  • Discuss what would happen if one of you discovers they don't enjoy the swinger lifestyle or grows out of it at some point in the future. This actually happens quite a lot and can cause a lot of problems if the one who still enjoys it won't give it up.
  • Talk about any concerns either of you may have about how becoming swingers might affect your family or social life. Are fears about being found out substantial enough to seriously inhibit your chances of enjoying the lifestyle? If so, are there things you can do that would help you feel differently?

First steps to the swinger lifestyle

Go back over the things you have discussed and agreed upon a few more times with sensible intervals between your discussions. Then, if you both still feel one hundred per cent happy to go ahead, agree a final cooling off period before you take the plunge. Use this cooling off period to take your first steps to the swinger lifestyle byjoining a swinger dating club and browsing for potential swing-buddies. Finally, if you still feel as keen to go ahead at the end of this period, start making contact and arranging swinger dates with the prospects you have identified. If at this time you have also seen a swinger party advertised that you want to attend, then there is no harm in going along because you won't have to join in with anything you don't want to. Ideally, though, it is usually best to meet a few swingers outside of the sex party circles first.

Free swinger lifestyle eBook

This page is based on one of the sections of our invaluable swinger lifestyle guide: Keys to a Successful Swinger Lifestyle.
The full version is available as a FREE eBook to our members.

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