By asking questions you show that you have a genuine interest in the other person (or couple)
but there is a big distinction between just asking questions like an interviewer - or worst
still, an interrogator - and the seductive questioning used in the small talk of successful swinging
The key is to listen attentively to the responses you get. Pick up on their key phrases and respond to them with empathy and understanding. For example, if you are at a sex party in a swinger club try asking;
"What other venues have you been to?"
The reply might be that this is their first ever sex party, in which case you can respond with genuine empathy and enthusiasm, born either of the memory of your first party, or by virtue of it also being your first time. Either way you will have established rapport and a bond of shared experiences just by asking one open question.
The question also neatly led to an opportunity to naturally divulge some background information about yourself. To have imparted the same information by just talking about yourself could easily have had a negative effect.
Had the reply to your original question been to name one or more other swinger clubs they had previously attended, you would still have been gifted opportunities to strike up rapport. Such a reply would naturally lead to you asking about the clubs they had attended and what they liked and disliked about them. Every possible answer to that sub-set of questions generates more opportunities to empathise and share experiences.
One thing that most swingers have in common is their desire for adventure. The sense of venturing
out into the unknown and having sex with a stranger is a key element of the swinger lifestyle.
This is why something we have named the Uncertainty Principle works so well for swinger-dating
and sex-party chat. The way the Uncertainty Principle works is to get the other person (or couple)
wondering whether you're interested or not.
If you make it obvious you are interested, then you're just interested. If you're lucky and have everything else going your way, being interested might just lead to you getting the group-sex session you were making it obvious that you wanted. But there is also a good chance it might not.
If you give the impression that you are not interested, then the chances are you'll be considered as not being interested - even if you were faking the disinterest.
But if you can create and maintain, uncertainty in the other person's mind, you'll be tapping right into that basic swinger need for adventure. You will have presented yourself as an enigma and a challenge to be taken up. In other words you will have provided them with all the things they are most attracted to.
Whatever else you say or do when you are engaging in small talk at sex parties or on swinger dates, avoid these all-too-common small talk killers:
This page is based on one of the sections of our invaluable swinger lifestyle guide:
Keys to a Successful Swinger Lifestyle.
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