By submitting this form, you are agreeing to the terms of use.

Handling rejection at swinger dates and parties

Just because the swinger lifestyle is all about enjoying sexual freedom with multiple partners, it does not follow that swingers are indiscriminate when choosing who to have sex with.

Rejection will therefore be no less likely to be experienced when swinger dating or attending sex parties than it would be in any other situation where the possibility of sexual relationships are being explored.

A swinger lifestyle does not prevent rejections

Handling rejections without losing confidence

Both couples and singles need to respond appropriately to receiving 'no' for an answer and to handle rejection in a psychologically healthy way, allowing them to move on without any loss of self confidence.

On a swinger date, the process of exploring mutual sexual attraction is in essence, the same as takes place on any other date. If the meeting has a negative outcome, the rejection is most likely to be communicated in a reasonably indirect manner. Swinger party etiquette makes it easier for rejections to be communicated in a direct, 'Thank you but no thank you' way but there are plenty of occasions when the more conventional, indirect methods of communicating 'no' are used. Both methods can hurt people who haven't learn't how to handle rejection.

No Means No for Swingers

The very direct method of rejection associated with swinger sex parties was born out of a rule that swinger clubs and party venue hosts introduced to prevent the pestering of females by the kind of male who seems unable to understand that a woman who wants to enjoy non-monogamous recreational sex may not want to do so with him. Males of this type even exist amongst swinger couples attending sex parties, so the rule; 'No Means No' needed to be spelt out to all party guests. It works pretty well and on the rare occasions that it is broken, a swinger party host will ask the culprit to leave.

In some ways, getting a direct rejection can be easier to deal with than less direct ones. It should leave no room for doubt and the recipient can simply move on to someone else. Nevertheless it can feel a bit brutal and some people find difficulty in responding without sounding as if they have taken offence. The best way is to relax and smile before replying. This will help to prevent any aggression creeping into your posture, body language or vocal tones. Then give a simple reply like, "No problem and I hope you didn't mind me asking."

Withdraw from the situation whilst reminding yourself that the rejection didn't mean that you are unattractive or undesirable. It simply meant that the chemistry didn't happen on this occasion. The most important thing is to move straight on to another person, couple or group to start enjoying the pre-sex party-chat all over again. The people who never learn to handle rejection are those who withdraw into themselves and allow their self confidence to take a tumble instead of getting on with fun of meeting more people.

Lifestyle swingers near you:

Indirect Rejection

In situations other than when attending a sex party, it is more likely that rejection will occur in a more conventional and indirect form. This is the most likely form of rejection you will encounter at an unsuccessful swinger date.

If the person or couple you are meeting at a first-date do not want to take things any further you shouldn't be making the discovery at the goodbye stage of the date. The reading of body language signals is featured in several pages found elsewhere in this swinger lifestyle guide and by looking out and listening for signs throughout the date, it is usually possible to pick up rejection messages long before an entire evening has been wasted.

If someone is giving you 'No' signals or is not sending out any signals to say that they are interested in you there really shouldn't be any reason to prolong the date. Blindly stumbling on with it is only likely to only set yourself up for rejection with an accompanying loss of self confidence. At best it will be a waste of time. If you have been making good conversation but feel uncertain about how things are going, use the Touch-Test as the final check. This involves checking out how the other person responds to you remaining within their personal zone after you have touched them. The touch must be a non-intimate one and you can read more about the personal zone in the section about swinger zone theory. If the response to being touched is a negative one or the other person signals that they do not want you to stay within their personal zone, it is time to withdraw and move on. Always remember that rejection is only spelt out when we fail to pay attention to the signals.

Free sign up
Swinger lifestyle eBook

This page is based on one of the sections of our invaluable swinger lifestyle guide: Keys to a Successful Swinger Lifestyle.
The full version is available as a FREE eBook to our members.

To order your free copy, complete and submit the request form