It may seem that getting down to the physical stuff is what the swinger lifestyle is all about but even sex parties have an important pre-sex, social element and swingers need to know when its okay to start touching one another.
This is even more the case in swinger dating meetings because either a single individual will be meeting with another single or with a couple, or a couple will be meeting with another couple. The type of rendezvous chosen will also have some bearing on when and how touching should take place.
Swinger dating involves a maximum of four people. The only possible combinations are; single meeting single, single meeting couple and couple meeting couple. The single with single type swinger-date takes a fairly similar path to mainstream dating with the important exception that the only reason the two people are meeting is to explore the possibilities of becoming swing-playmates and enjoying recreational sex. Whilst this knowledge provides some short-cuts through normal dating game-play, an understanding of when to touch and how to touch is still required.
A single-with-couple swinger date is usually an easier situation because the couple are likely to start touching each other to signal that they would like the single to join in. The single shouldn't rely entirely on this however and needs to proceed in the way described elsewhere in this guide to steer the date towards sex and ensure that it does not turn into a 'social event'.
A couple-with-couple swinger date tends to fit somewhere between the single-with-single and the single-with-couple type, largely depending on the personalities of the two couples. If both are fairly shy or nervous first-time-swingers, the meeting will probably proceed like a single-with-single date. This presents a real danger of missed opportunities to get physical and there is a chance of it ending with both couples going home disappointed. On the other hand, if one or both couples are experienced swingers or have extrovert personalities, the meeting is likely to proceed along the lines of the single-with-couple date, described above, where one of the couples kicks things off by touching each other.
In each of the above swinger dating scenarios, the choice of rendezvous will have considerable bearing on the nature of touching and how much touching takes place. For example; a date held in a pub obviously limits touching to the non-intimate type for two singles and almost rules out all touching between a single and a couple or between two couples. On the other hand, no such limitations present themselves for couples meeting in one another's homes.
Sex parties offer a similar situation to meeting in one another's homes but the presence of other people provides an additional layer of permissiveness and safety in getting to the touching stage. However, as stated earlier, sex parties are not sexual free-for-alls and they still require swingers to observe a certain etiquette in moving through the pre-sex, social stages and even during the sex-play that follows. As with swinger dating, the way things proceed is to some extent, influenced by the numbers and combinations of the people involved. These might be; a single male conversing with a group of couples, a couple meeting a single female, two couples, or a group of mixed singles.
Careful observation, listening and appropriate responses to what is being said and signalled via body language are the most important requirements for knowing when to start touching. Very often, by following these things carefully, you will not even have to worry about initiating physical contact because you will have neatly lead the other person to touch you first. The art of listening, observing and responding is covered in detail elsewhere in Keys to a Successful Swinger Lifestyle (see index to find relevant sections).
It is always essential to appreciate that swingers have a 'No' means 'No' rule. This applies to all forms of intimate touching and is carried right through to the play-room stage of sex party proceedings. This means that you shouldn't make assumptions about the level of intimacy that someone is comfortable with. Always check that it is okay to move to the next level. Couples in particular, often have a set of conditions they have agreed with each other. For example; some couples are only comfortable to take swinging as far as having oral sex outside of their own partnership, whilst others restrict things to same room sex with own partner only.
This page is based on one of the sections of our invaluable swinger lifestyle guide: Keys to a Successful Swinger LifestyleThe full version is available as a FREE eBook to our members.
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